False Memories
by Ceresxthexstar
Summary: Dawn dies. Buffy watches in turmoil as all her friends dismiss the sister who's not real. One shot. Post Series


**I don't own Buffy and I needed to do this.**

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><p>Dawn died.<p>

The Scooby Gang was devastated. Xander finally just gave up on dating altogether. Willow no longer wanted to celebrate her newfound stabilized magic. Andrew tried to ignore the commotion and took to computer playing in the basement. Spike got angry and livid with everything. Giles tried to keep himself from buying that first ticket to the homeland, but eventually couldn't resist. In truth, everyone was suffering in their own way. They had all begun to settle after everything. They were going to make a new home in San Francisco. It was going to be okay. Like home.

It didn't last. It never does.

The pain and the suffering only continued after a small moment of content peace. Of course, business went on as usual. The gang would meet up, everyone would be sullen, but they knew that there would be no avoiding their job. Researching criminal cases that could be classified as demon activity, and restoring the world to its former "glory".

They would do it halfheartedly, but no one, absolutely _no one_, suffered like Buffy did. When Dawn died, Buffy just...stopped. At times, Willow would often try to console her, but was only met with silence and a blank stare. Xander tried to make everything more lighthearted with his witty jokes and antics, which Willow and Andrew laughed at a couple times. Spike would only glower at the whelp.

The scoobies attempts at rousing Buffy from her shocked state were all failures. None of them ever saw her cry, which for Buffy, wasn't a good sign at all. The slayer didn't shed any tears at her mother's demise either. Never talking besides a few yes's or no's was all she could do. Her friends were just grateful that she _was_ talking. Spike didn't buy their relief. He knew that Buffy was in agony. At one time, he passed by her room and saw the door open. He had seen Buffy, sitting on the edge of her bed with her back turned to him.

She was clutching something in her hand, and when Spike silently craned his neck to see, he saw Dawn's favorite piece of china. Buffy had been cradling it with such force, that Spike caught the wiff of her blood.

He couldn't stand there and look at her drowning in her misery. Unfortunately, he was at a loss at what to do. His demon growled often at him to just do something, anything to help her. But it was a battle he couldn't fight for her. Didn't mean he had to accept it.

Their situation had only gotten worse when Dawn started to fade in the real way.

Panic had filled the complex when Andrew couldn't even remember her name. Willow had deduced that because Dawn isn't technically real, their false memories were dissipating. Willow spent those days searching for a way to reverse the inevitable, but to no avail. They were going to forget all about the key, and their was nothing they could do about it.

Xander wasn't even remorseful about it, saying that he'd rather forget about her than go through that pain and depression. When voicing these thoughts, Spike had almost nailed a fist at him. Buffy beat him to it.

Xander collided with the table and chair behind him, spilling all of Willow's papers. Buffy didn't say a word, only staring down at him with grief stricken eyes. He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye, and so, he slowly stood up, and left. The room was deathly quiet after that incident. And he didn't return for days on end. By this point, Andrew had completely forgotten about Dawn. He knew something was wrong, but he had nothing to work with. Trying to figure out why everyone seemed to be aimlessly holding on to something.

Spike couldn't speak to him. The vampire knew it wasn't his fault, but he represented what could happen. That it was impossible to hope for some sort of mercy. It was bad enough that the girl had died, but now she was leaving with no trace that she had ever existed. This wouldn't stand. Spike couldn't and wouldn't allow himself to forget about Dawn. And as long as he had Buffy, he wouldn't allow her to forget as well.

When Xander had returned, he carried no silver of the slayer's sister in his mind. He was all smiles, and asked why Buffy was so off. Willow had contained her emotions, as she too was losing pieces of Dawn's impact in her life. She could only remember Dawn as far back as their first encounter with Dracula. The witch didn't leave her room, always casting a spell and calling upon numerous entities to aid her. So stressed she was, that Willow even forgot to eat a daily meal sometimes. Andrew and Xander remained oblivious and weren't really sure how to help.

One night, Spike couldn't get to sleep. With his boots off and duster hanging, laid on his old bed restless. The quietness was actually beginning to feel numb. He liked some kind of background noise to fill the void. Otherwise, it just felt...wrong. After what seemed like an eternity, he was finally about to doze off. Dreamless sleep was about to greet him when his door opened.

Spike's eyes shot open and darted towards the door. There, Buffy stood in his doorway. She looked broken. Her usual spark in her eyes was gone, only emptiness. It was then that Spike realized, Dawn's departure hadn't hurt her. Her sister leaving had destroyed Buffy. While her friends may have grieved, Buffy was just trying to not die. Inside, was a raging war of anger, shock, and an immense weight of depression.

All she was trying to do was accept her sister's death and somehow move on. Then everyone started to forget, and Dawn came back to hit her in the face. It had not only hurt, but it was unbearable. No words needed to be spoken for Spike and Buffy to understand. She hesitated in the doorway, waiting for some kind of push. Her lip trembled, trying to force out speech of some kind. Before she could, Spike tilted his head in gesture.

Closing the door softly, she crossed the room timidly. He saw how shakily she moved, and his heart broke for the woman he loved. No longer moving with the same power and grace of the slayer. Taking place next to him on the bed, Buffy curled in his embrace. His head on top of hers, they gently fell into slumber. Content for now just to be in each others company.

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><p>The next morning an exhausted Willow approached Buffy and Spike frantically. She said that she found a way to keep their memories of Dawn. She would be performing the spell all of that day, and quickly grabbed a snack before heading to her room.<p>

The day went on miserably while waiting with great hope that they could hold onto Dawn. Willow hadn't left that room for all hours of the day. Buffy knew that Spike was praying that the witch could do it, even if he didn't show it. Spike could tell the same about Buffy, but that was just fine with them. Every one of their instincts told them it was wrong to hope.

Nothing could stop them from doing so though.

Xander and Andrew thought it was best to leave the three alone, since they seemed to become angry every time the two mentioned something that reminded them of Dawn. So they kept their distance, that was fine with Spike. He nuzzled her hair and she leaned into him, relishing in the warmth that it brought. Maybe it wouldn't be so wrong to hope this much.

The day dragged on slowly as the anticipation grew between Spike and Buffy. Willow that morning had been fidgety and scared, for she had forgotten Dawn's name. They could make it through though. Together. Even if Andrew or Xander never remember, the three of them would. If the spell worked, they could finally move on, Buffy could finally move on.

Night neared and Buffy refused to sleep. In a small voice she told Spike that if she falls asleep, she'll wake up from the dream that there is a way out. Spike tried to persuade her that she wasn't dreaming, but she insisted that she wouldn't take the chance. So, he stayed up with her. They were both physically and mentally drained, but it was Buffy's hope that got them through the night. Spike told that Will could do it, so it wasn't wrong to hope.

"I'm afraid to."

The only sound moving in the building where they resided was the ticking of the clock. It was loud and overbearing in the silence. Spike no longer wanted the noise. It was probably because of the girl who laid next to him, sound asleep in whatever dreamland she took spot in. For the first time since the death, he smiled. Genuine, and it was only because Buffy had willingly took the space next to him. She had eventually fallen into slumber, most likely from the sleep deprivation. Spike was fine with that as long as she remained near.

He himself refused to sleep so he could put Buffy at ease knowing that it wasn't a dream. In fact, Spike hadn't lost any memories of Dawn yet. Only Andrew and Xander had, a little bit from Willow too. Maybe Dawn's past existence wasn't in danger, Spike thought. Maybe it was all a cruel joke the three of them had decided to play on Buffy and Spike.

If that were the case, he didn't care what Buffy would say. He would murder the three of them for causing the slayer so much turmoil. It wasn't fair to her or to anyone. His deprived brain couldn't think rationally, as these were Buffy's friends. They wouldn't do something so horrendous even if they were utter 'wankers' sometimes.

When sunrise at last showed its colors, a tired Spike woke Buffy softly. She instantly became worried and rushed past the vampire toward Willow's bedroom. Quietly, she opened the door, absently aware of Spike following behind her. She saw a messy room with wards and books scattered everywhere. The bed was in the middle of the room, and various blankets covered it. In the center was a lump, with red hair pooling on one side.

Buffy carefully went over to where her best friend slept and shook her gently. The mass of comforters grumbled, and Willow groggily awoke. She turned to look and Buffy sleepy eyed, and then to Spike.

"Buffy?"

She reached up and scratched to side of her head. "What's up?"

"Red, did you do the spell?" Spike said before Buffy could respond. Willow looked quizzically at him, then back to Buffy.

"What spell?"

The vampire's jaw ticked, and reluctantly glanced at his love. She had paled even more, her eyes staring at nothing. And to Willow's astonishment and Spike's complete horror, the great vampire slayer fainted.

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><p>Upon awaking, Buffy found herself in her bedroom. She felt awful and disgusting. Not sure what she was doing there, she nearly jumped at the sight of Spike sitting to her right. He looking deader than usual, and he locked eyesight with Buffy. In one swift flash, all the memories came flooding back to her. The pain and heartbreak at full throttle. Without any control of herself, Buffy leaned over the opposite side of the bed and vomited.<p>

Coughing and sputtering, she laughed. Spike visibly flinched at the sound. The laugh was bitter and cold, unbecoming of the feisty blonde. She stopped almost as fast as it had come, and rose. Buffy exchanged looks with Spike before run out the door and towards the outside. She needed to get away. Now.

Buffy knew that he would be following her. What did she care? For all she knew, Dawn disappeared totally from his head. Outside, a thunderstorm raged on. How fitting. She thought. No one could save her now. Not a single being on this Earth could understand her sheer torment. It may all be over soon. Who knows, one second she's trying to run away from it all in the rain the next she's confused as to why she came out here.

Soon enough, Buffy found herself lost in the forest. Rain water soaked her to the bone, her dress clinging to her skin. She looked to the lightning filled sky and let out a hysterical giggle. Spike caught her there, while she laughed to herself like a madwoman.

He approached her as she hung her head, her laugh dying with a croak at her lips. When looked she up again, she saw Spike in front of her, a knowing look on his features. He hadn't forgotten. Spike still remembers. A sense of comfort entered Buffy, and almost smiled. He set his hands on her shaking shoulders, attempting to reassure her. It didn't last.

Buffy's knees gave out, and she collapsed to the forest floor. Spike crouched in front of her; his concerned face not leaving once. It was then that Buffy began to speak in an unwavering voice.

"I didn't ask for a sister." She faltered, and he waited for her to continue. "But...but I got one. R-real or not."

Spike lifted his hand to her face, brushing away a piece of hair. "I loved her. A-and she died," Buffy laughed bitterly, "just like always huh?" Her eyes were downcast, and to his heart broke all over again at the tears leaking down her face. The rain pounded down harder and unrelenting on the couple down below.

"I-I don't want to forget though.." At this point, she looked into his eyes, tears forming at the corners of his own. Buffy began to shake violently, and her tears turned to sobs.

"I don't want to **forget**!" She screamed.

Spike instinctively reached for her, crushing her in his embrace. Buffy balled her fists in his shirt, and her cries became louder. He clenched his teeth, hugging her tightly. Her complete pain filled sadness was being displayed directly to him, and it burned more than any fire or sunlight. Why was he so useless? The only one that he cared for the most was falling apart in his very arms. All he could do was hold her.

"Dawn!"

Buffy screeched between sobs. _Dawn... _Spike blinked. He knew that name from somewhere. Wasn't that Buffy's sister? How could he forget her name? He cursed himself internally. No! He couldn't leave Buffy like this. Not now. Or ever. She was still balling while he tried to remember...what?

What was he trying to remember? Spike felt that it was something hugely important. It had to do with why Buffy was crying in his arms. He had the feeling that it had to do with a girl. Someone close to him. What girl was closer to him than Buffy? There could be none, so why was something nagging at him to remember. It was almost as if he didn't remember, then the girl he was holding would suffer greatly. Why though?

While he was debating over himself, Buffy's sobs diminished. "Spike.." She croaked weakly. She carefully undid her arms from his, and looked into his face. She was met with a frustratingly confused expression. She could only stare, unwilling to believe what was true.

"Spike I-"

She couldn't finish. She knew that she would begin to cry again if she tried. Spike looked at her, clearly puzzled. "Buffy, what was I supposed to remember?" He said it. Buffy couldn't comprehend it. The only one she could always rely on for help had been lost.

She remembered the days when she first became the slayer. Merrick dying, burning down the school gym, and her and Pike running off to fight vamp nests in Las Vegas. Together they had stopped the twins and Pike left because he was afraid she was going to die for always saving his ass. She returned home to angry parents and an insensitive sister. Then they shipped her off to an insane asylum, before the divorce and moving to Sunnydale.

At that moment, she felt just like her fifteen year old self did. Alienated and alone. She can't deal with it anymore. Buffy screamed, Scaring the wits off of Spike.

"Buffy! Sweetheart?"

"Spike!" She shrieked through the tears that blurring her vision. "Please!"

Her hands clenched his duster desperate for some kind of salvation. There was none. Spike tried to calm her down, flustered and worried at what had gotten into her. _This must be what insanity feels like._ Buffy thought aimlessly as she thrashed about. She could actually _feel_ her mind shattering.

It hurts.

Then it was gone. Buffy could no longer feel Spike. Nor was she aware of the world around her. Just...black. Buffy had the distinct sensation of floating. The pain and depression had just...

She had no memory of anything. All she knew is that she existed. The feeling of soft clouds came to mind. It was nice. There were no unanswered questions that she had. No knowledge of what pain was, or what doubt and anxiety were. Everything was in it's place including her. The dark that surrounded her gave no sense of fear, and she was content. Everything and anything made perfect sense. Buffy wasn't meant to think; only to exist. She was fine with that. This is all she knew of course.

As Buffy stared at nothing, she realized that there was a small light coming closer, and closer, and closer. Unfamiliar, which should have frightened Buffy, but it had a welcoming aura to it. The white light became bigger, indicating it's intense speed. When it had finally reached Buffy, she noticed an outline of another humanoid being.

That's impossible. Buffy was the only entity she knew. So why had this..thing come to her? Why wasn't she the only thing in existence? The figure approached her quietly. She could then see that the humanoid was a young woman, long brown hair and brown eyes. Like Buffy, only...different.

The woman smiled at her, then rested a kiss on her forehead. She then spoke, her angelic voice breaking all of the darkness that had surrounded Buffy for so long. "You've done enough, please rest." Then she was gone. So was Buffy.

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><p>"Buffy!"<p>

Her eyes snapped open, the feel of someone holding her enveloped her senses. Buffy rose her head weakly, seeing a distraught Spike staring back. Feeling his arms around her made her feel warm, despite the vampire chill. She was disturbed by his expression, what was he so worked up about?

"Spike?"

He looked relieved for a second but quickly reverted back to his worried state. "What was wrong with you? You managed to scare me. _Me_ the Big Bad!" Buffy only looked confused at Spike's reaction. _What is he talking about? _Buffy only gave him a blank stare and shrugged him off. She stood up and began to walk towards the house, Spike following close behind.

"Why are we in the woods?"

"Don't change the subj...yeah how'd we get here?" Buffy chuckled, and playfully punched his arm. Spike let out an 'ow' which made her giggle. Spike fake glared, and quickly turned into one of his smirks.

"Abusing the power is not a good thing pet."

The two of them continued their playful back-and-forth until they reached the house. Feeling refreshed and liberated, Buffy and the scoobies went on with their lives.

Everything was good. Giles came home, Willow proceeded to improve her new found magic skills, and Xander and Andrew were still dorks. Buffy and Spike slept in the same bed almost every night. Neither of them knew when it had started, but they weren't complaining. Vampires seemed to be stirred up lately, and that always keeps everyone busy. Buffy was happy for the first time in a long while.

Although the scooby gang wasn't aware, and she was happy, Buffy couldn't help but feel that something was amiss. She wasn't even sure if it was a enemy. She clutched Spike's hand as they soared from building to building during their patrol. She watched as fledge was staked by her jerk-face boyfriend. Looking up to the darkened sky, she whispered three words.

"Come on then, Red's got some kind of meeting she holding." She smiled, and quickly caught up to him. They both walked away, deeper into the city of people.

The clouds in the sky parted, revealing the full moon. Near it, a single star twinkled.

"I miss you."


End file.
